Ugh me.

Okay. So it's been a long time. I can't be the only person who vows that something will be done and then something IS done...for a time, at least, and then it isn't. 
And days and weeks and (give me strength) months pass and it feels too embarrassing and such like an exposure of failure that it doesn't happen. Ever. 
But yes! But yes! It is happening TONIGHT! Tonight is not special. Tonight, I was within a gnat's eyelash (thanks, Mom) of sleeping the Mac to go make popcorn and then watch a movie of unknown foreign origin entitled "Ugly Me". Fitting, actually, because that is how I have thought of myself for some time. But Christ, let's smash the violins and mute the therapist-labeled "negative self-talk" to bring anyone who might care up to date on tonight.
Justin is not here. Justin is at the Hotel Del Coronado at a dinner event. He says that there was "a sign and everything" saying that no wives were allowed at the dinner. I do know that he also had to buy a special pin to stick in his lapel for said dinner. I have no idea what is going on, but it is 10:06 p.m. and if there was an open bar, I either won't be seeing him until tomorrow or a cabbie is going to make some decent scratch.
I am feeling like a different woman these last few days, and yet I'm feeling like my old self. My 36th birthday was last Monday and while the day, itself, was uneventful, I did spend last weekend in LA. My brother and his darling offered (offered!) to keep our three while Justin and I spent the weekend with my longtime friends. It was the best weekend that I have had in a very long while.
I talked and talked and talked. It was great. It re-energized me. It gave me strength. At the risk of sounding...stupid, I experienced a moment of clarity that will hopefully prove to strengthen my marriage and my view of myself. Friends who shared space and time with me, thank you - you did more good than you may have thought. 
With my 36th birthday upon me, I am in the pathetic throes of "What do I do?". This isn't unreasonable. Justin will be out of the Navy in three, maximum seven, years. I should probably figure some way to gainful employment by then. But the only things that I have ever really wanted are to live in France, speak French, and have babies. Done, done, and thrice done. 
So, where do I go from here? 
All input is welcome. 
I was born in 1976 and in the Chinese zodiac, this is my year: Year of the Dragon. I keep hoping that something dramatic and ground-shifting will occur. Joining the PTA is not earth-shattering, Dragon - try again.
My husband just called. He is homeward-bound. I think that I might go make that popcorn and maybe start that movie, but always in the back of my mind are the thoughts, "What can I be? what do I love, and do well? how do I do it?"
Hopefully, one of the things that I do better than most is write, and hopefully, I'll be doing it again, soon.